Reincarnation Really Does Matter
Chapter Six
"A dying person's emotional and mental state will influence and, to some degree, control, his afterlife and rebirth pattern. Thought includes not only the heart which can be profoundly opened due to imperfections and suffering, but includes our entire state of consciousness.” ( A Journey With Elsa Cloud, by Leila Hadley)
My intention with writing this book, is not to prove reincarnation, nor is it to pursued individuals one way or the other. My intention is to share my experience, and help those who have past life memories look beyond one life time. Books about regressions dominate the book shelves, as do books written by self proclaimed psychics. My intention is to share other ways to experience past lives and the various approaches in which personal validations can be achieved. Meditation, dreams, spontaneous recall, and shared experiences are all valid and important ways to explore past lives. Although contacting a regressionist is a viable way to begin your journey, be sure you look into their credentials before making an appointment. Beyond the different ways that past lives are experienced, I also think it is important to share what my research and memories suggested to me; what we hold in consciousness at the time of our death, determines our next life experience. Looking for understanding between the past and present is an integral part of past life work. It can also be a vital part of learning to know oneself.
In 1970, my family moved from Illinois to California. I was eleven years old and entering the sixth grade. Adjusting to the ways of California was a culture shock back then. The Mid-West and West coast were very different. School was easier in California, the weather warmer, and the clothes can only be described as…hippy. My younger brothers often teased me about the scarf’s I wore in my hair. Not many people in our area wore them. To me they were comfortable and seemed natural to wear. Riding my horse near the vineyards at the rodeo grounds brought up strange feelings of home; although at the time I never understood why. Later, my family thought it was strange when I began to wear big black boots through graduate school. After all, I was a mother of three living in a community that was considered Yuppie-ville; it just wasn’t the thing mothers in my area would wear. I understand now why I wore scarves, why the vineyards felt like home, and why I started wearing big black boots. They were all unconscious expressions and awareness of who I once was.
**** My Uncle’s family****
Even though my immediate family in Italy was all killed in the bombing, my Uncle and his family lived in the big city and were not affected by our small towns’ tragedy. My father’s brother was a very compassionate man, and he and his family would take a train to check on me often. They were the only close family I had left. Memories of them began to surface in 1995, and on several occasions I would remember my uncles caring nature, his wife’s cold ways and his two curious little girls.
I closed my eyes and quickly slipped into an altered state. My breathing seemed to almost stop it was so shallow. I see the Light ....I enter into the Light.... I am........ nineteen years old. My family has been gone for several years. I am wearing worn and tattered clothes, an apron, and high buttoned shoes. I looked down at my body, I am young and thin.
Time jumps forward....I am in my thirties. I look down at my body, I am much heavier, and my clothes are different but still old and worn. I am wearing my father’s big boots on my feet. I am waving good-bye to a woman who is a relative; she is stepping up onto the side rail of a train. She has her husband with her; they are doing quite well financially. I can hear the train's whistle as it is leaving the station. I hear the rolling of the metal wheels on the tracks and I can see the conductor hanging off the railing. I saw this same woman again, and again and in many of my meditations. I knew I had been on the train only a few times to meet these same relatives but they had come to visit me often. Her husband was my father’s youngest brother, he was my uncle. Only he was much younger than my father was.
Time doesn’t seem to stay in a linear perspective with past life memories. It’s an odd sensation as I jumped from one time period back to another. ............ I hear sirens, I am not very old ....perhaps 17. I can see bombs being dropped in town, not very far from my house. I turned and scrambled, trying to run for shelter. I hear people screaming in the distance; I am so frightened. My heart raced, I was numb with fear -- I felt as if I was submerged under water...I can no longer hear anything, or see anything. There was a long period of silence. Then a sense of peace and calm overcomes me, the time period has changed again.
I find myself older (maybe forty) talking very fast in the Italian language. I am debating an issue regarding the war with another woman who is standing in front of me. I am standing in the door way of my house. The top of the door was open but the bottom half was closed. I was angry about the war, how people were being treated. So was she.
During my conversation with her, I had the realization that helped me understand now, the situation I was in at the time. Not only was I a woman, but my father had died, I was an unmarried woman and there was no man in the house, just me. I knew - a woman could not own property. Therefore, my father’s youngest brother owned it. I merely kept it up, tended what little grapes I could and lived there. Occasionally my uncle and his wife would come to visit me to see how I was doing. That's why I saw them when I was so young and they were leaving on the train, and many times after that even when I was older.
Toward the end of the meditation, I saw my Uncle's wife, she had her hair all done up in front, curls all around her face in the style that looked like the mid 1940‘s. She had two little girls with her, the oldest was about five. One of the little girls is leaning over and looking in the small window near the foundation of the barn where I hid the German soldier in WWI. I am watching her and remembering those awful days. The day I had lied to my father, and the memories of hiding so many Jewish families in the wine barrels during WWII. As I am remembering..... and while I am still in my meditation, my face expressed a deep sadness, my heart ached for so many people. I could feel waves of sorrow passing through the very depths of my soul. My Uncle called my name, "Valeria......" and I turned toward him...only to step out of the meditation and out of my altered state.
The mediation ended; but in my heart I could still feel the sorrow, the pain and the fear. I laid there and cried for what seemed like hours. The feelings, the emotions, the thoughts, were so deeply engrained within my soul; I could not help - but cry - again. So many people had died, so many displaced, taken from family and country. Millions were affected. It was a terrible time, a time known now -- as the Holocaust.
******The Huge Wine Barrels********
The sorrow I felt from the previous experience seemed to cast a shadow on me for days. Months later I could still feel that time period of conflict and chaos. I knew I had to do more work around those last memories of Italy, but it seemed I never had the time. I was finishing up my Bachelors Degree at Mills College and writing ten, fifteen page term papers per semester. My girls were in High School and my son was a very hyperactive ten year old boy. It wasn’t until three months later when the house was quiet that I was able to escape into my room and meditate. What surfaced was not what I expected. Beyond that – it was something I never would have imagined. What surfaced was how I hid Jewish people from the Nazi and the amazing way in which I did it.
As soon as I turned on the music and laid down, there was a sense of peace, a quiet knowing. All my daily activities melted away. I enjoy the inner light, which to me felt like a cleansing from the inside out. The experience washed away all my tension and any fear or worry I might have had at the time.
I enter into the light......... I am in Italy..... I see my little sister with her bangs, freckles and turned up nose. She is seven and I am eleven. There is about five years between us. It is a happy time in my life, I feel secure, well loved and safe.
Time shifts....as if I stepped through a window in time---I am suddenly outside, working in my garden, it is the beginning of World War II....... There are soldiers coming through the area, many of them. They are searching for Jewish people. They are coming to my house to question me; Jewish people were reported to have been seen not far from here. I play dumb, I play the simple woman with no power, no knowledge. I watched as they searched the premise; my house, the barn, every square inch of the place...except where I had hid them. I was not comfortable in this part of my meditation, my shoulders began to hurt, my jaw became stiff and tired. I felt vulnerable, my body trembled from the inside out; I was terrified. I had a family hidden in the barn, I had them inside my father’s wine barrels... the wine barrels....they are so large! I had left the barrels half full so that the soldiers when they moved them could feel and hear the wine inside. I showed the Jewish people how to roll with the wine and not make sounds.
The Nazi did not find them..... But I see the look of intense power and untrusting glares that the captain of the Nazi was directing my way as the wine sloshed from side to side. I busied myself with something in my hands and acted as though I was not interested or worried. But the fear was intense...the emotions strong.... I could hardly breathe.
I slowly brought myself out of the meditation, but the feeling of not being able to breathe stayed with me, even after ending the meditation; I could hardly breathe.
*******EMOTIONAL AWARENESS******
As the Iraqi war continues, and images of violence and terrorism flash on the television screen, I am aware that the current war is acting like a trigger for my memories of WWI and WWII. I cannot help but wonder how much does history repeat itself, and how often do we as souls and co-creators of our reality repeat the same mistakes, continuing to create conflict and chaos? Perhaps as more and more people become aware of past life memories - and as people begin to remember, who they are - and why they are here today things will change for the better. But we must bring into full awareness how to create positive changes in our life and for our future.
Change is perhaps one of the most difficult things we face - individually and collectively. Every focused idea has the potential to become reality. But we need to be part of the positive and active process, and part of that process to being aware of our thoughts, feelings and emotions. This means being present in the moment as much as possible, which isn’t an easy thing to do. It takes a lot of attention, and a shift in awareness. We create an estimated 60,000 thoughts per day; some are good, some bad, some are even indifferent. What is important is that we think about, or dwell upon will manifest around us. The newly released DVD and book The Secret describes how this works in detail. If you closely monitor your thoughts for one day, you may be shocked by the content. It’s an interesting exercise, within the thousands of thoughts per day that each of us have, lie the patterns that focus our intentions, desires, hopes and our future. Each thought counts and creates our reality, including those of guilt, shame, anger and fear. Karma then is a reflection based on the living history of humanity. A history that is based on emotion; and in constant motion.
Candace B. Pert, Ph.D. is a Research Professor in the Department of Physiology and Biophysics at Georgetown University Medical Center in Washington D.C. Her research regarding neuropeptides,which are chemical substances made and released by brain cells, and other cells suggests that in the body network, these information receptors serve as a form of communication for the entire body. In her book Molecules of Emotions she speaks in depth about her research, her journey and scientific methods, as well as her conclusions:
“We can no longer think of emotions as having less validity than physical, material substance, but instead must see them as cellular signals that are involved in the process of translating information into physical reality, literally transforming mind into matter. Emotions are at the nexus between matter and mind, going back and forth between the two and influencing both.”Molecules of Emotion. pg. 187.
****Ovarian Cancer****
Remembered or not, emotions can be carried within the body from life time to life time. In my meditations I often enter into the light; usually it is a beautiful blue or violet swirling visual vibration of energy; but this meditation was different, it began with a crimson red, only to evolve later into the normal blue and violet colors. Red is the color of the root chakra found at the base of the spine, and is the energy center for primordial instincts. I made a mental note of the experience and moved into the blue light. This meditation allowed me to experience my illness, an illness that lead to my death in Italy.
I saw myself as a young woman picking up fruit from the ground; I had spilled a basket and I was very frustrated. I am on the hillside of my home in Italy as a young girl... time slips forward I am older, I am sad and lonely remembering the past. I notice that walking seems to have become very difficult. I stood looking down at an old stone structure that had long since been destroyed. The war left its mark everywhere, and touched the lives of everyone -in one way or another.
I am inside of my house, I know I am dying, I have been very ill. I am sitting in the kitchen at the table and leaning to one side. I am crying and holding my family Bible very close to me. I never married in this life and I never had children. I am aware of the physical pain but also the sadness and loneliness that comes from being alone. I have ovarian cancer. I slip out of consciousness...............
Awareness shifts.....I am no longer in my body, instead I am looking down at my body. I see my hands are still clutching the Bible. I know I have died yet I do not feel dead! Time does not seem to be real - it is as if I am in a void...I felt like time is standing still. I don’t know how long it was before the two men come to remove my body from the house. One older man with gray hair and a small framed man in his mid forties are talking - they are speaking in Italian - but I know they are saying it is "So sad” and clearly state - (Bara .....ma tristi ) Suddenly I feel the urgency of something forgotten, they have left the Bible, my book ... my families book....it is very important to me that the book is with me, it is all I have that belongs to my family. I know I am dead, but I do not feel dead, I am very drawn to my home, my belongings and I do not want to let go.
Suddenly -nothing matters...Time and space do not matter, all I am aware of is that I am reviewing my life and very quickly. I see my childhood, my family, the German soldier’s death, my family’s death in the bombing, my life alone... I know I chose to be alone, never to marry, and never to have children. Awareness shifts, I am at my funeral, only a few people come. I feel such sadness from this life time and so alone. I am in spirit body - my soul goes to the hill by my family’s home; I am looking over the grave site back toward the house. I was buried near my home on my families’ property.
I can still feel my Italian lifetime; the living room where my family once sang songs and told stories, my bedroom down to the fine details of the rod iron bed, the dresser and oval mirror, and the odd shaped roof. I can smell the barn, I can still see the vista point in the vineyard, I even remember the small community church in town. It wasn’t until after my seventeenth birthday, in 1917 my life became so very sad, lonely and downright awful.
***Releasing negative emotional patterns****
My life now is about healing, forgiveness, compassion, and sharing gifts from the heart. When a shift of awareness happens and healing manifests into the NOW, the proof of reincarnation that so many people struggle with is almost irrelevant. They say that “time heals all things,” especially wounds of the heart. To forgive self and others, must come from the heart and change has to be embraced with full intent and clear intentions.
When I reflect on my childhood as Deborah Barr; I moved with my parents in the Air Force many times before the age of seven. My first kindergarten class was in Alaska. As an adult with my own children, I moved a total of twenty one times. One could say that my current understanding of “home” should be scattered and yet I have a real warm and loving sense, a positive feeling of home. Part of this is due to my parents who are very grounded people, both have very gentle loving energy. My life and the choices I have made are no reflection on them; it is however, a reflection of my souls past. I have been married three times - and divorced - three times. Life hasn’t been easy, yet life has taught me many things. Keeping a positive and proactive state of mind - is a daily exercise and being present in the moment a constant challenge. Perhaps through the trials and tribulations of life times, awareness expands. Perhaps compassion and empathy magnify to higher levels of awareness through difficulties. In any case, I know I have grown, and I also know I am still learning. Life is about change and embracing the unknown. My life now is about healing, forgiving and letting go of old patterns that no longer serve me, or my loved ones.
Past lives can reveal some terrible things, but it's in consciousness that I believe we progress; it is in consciousness that we evolve into Becoming. Love, Joy, Peace, Wisdom, Knowledge, Compassion; all of these are not materials things. To me, consciousness resides within the Heart, within the Soul, within Spirit. The act of giving has helped me to heal; to find my voice, to share my passion, to stand my ground, and to reach out to others in ways I never would have dreamed possible.
At this point in my life I felt comfortable with my memories, with the process and the healing. The faces of people from the early 1900s surfaced in my meditations many times, but I could not always place them as people I know today. There are those I remember clearly, they were with me then and are with me now. But there was someone I had not met – at least not yet. She would bring joy to my memories of Italy and remind me that reincarnation really does matter.